"When I do…" His mouth went dry. He didn't know how much he could ask… Is it too late, is Sirius still alive, is the wrong made right, how could it possibly be…
"The way you're traveling," he said suddenly. "Can you take me back? Can I prevent all of this?"
Nevermind all the Theory of Magic he studied at school, the Philosophy of Magic, and the muggle time travel literature he'd absorbed as a child. The idea that always stopped him from fantasising about changing anything were not the usual ones: fear of paradox or divergence or any of those. What drew him up short was the fundamental selfishness of it. How did one choose… going back to change a tragedy in one's own life but not trying to change bigger tragedies in the world, for others… while in so doing essentially committing genocide of all the people who would subsequently never be born into the changed world… plus the Playing Divinity thing, one small mortal brain trying to anticipate all the causalities which likely wouldn't be less tragic and tangled than the first. Anything burnt to the ground would still need to grow and be worked on, just like what came before.
He fisted his hands and pressed his knuckles to his closed eyes.
"Don't answer that," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
The last words as much to them as to her. "Oh god oh god I'm sorry I'm sorry."
The Map. What had become of the Map… he'd lost track… he thought one of them must surely have kept it, or maybe passed it along like they'd casually suggested before graduating… last he remembered, Filch had confiscated it but they'd never have left it languishing in a drawer, they'd raided Filch's desk many times.
…But the other way to look at time travel was that it had already happened. Tonks had just read ahead. She was doing him this great favour of telling him… he'd live and it would get better. Don't ruin it with selfishness.
All he could do now was… survive.
He didn't want to survive. He wanted to go with them.
Remus was kneeling on the floor. He had no memory of getting there. From there, he let his hands fall again in his lap.
"I was in love with Lily," he muttered confession. "I never told anyone, though Sirius plainly could tell. But big deal… most of our class was in love with her. I just… maybe was… in different love with James too. I'd never get in the way. Actually, she told me once she never would have given him a chance if we hadn't been mutual friends. I tried to help them. I tried to help everyone and never did good to anyone…"
He looked up at her again. "Can you get me out of here?" he begged. "Out of this moment?"
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timeasmymeasure
<3 <3 <3 !
Date: 2022-11-28 10:45 pm (UTC)"The way you're traveling," he said suddenly. "Can you take me back? Can I prevent all of this?"
Nevermind all the Theory of Magic he studied at school, the Philosophy of Magic, and the muggle time travel literature he'd absorbed as a child. The idea that always stopped him from fantasising about changing anything were not the usual ones: fear of paradox or divergence or any of those. What drew him up short was the fundamental selfishness of it. How did one choose… going back to change a tragedy in one's own life but not trying to change bigger tragedies in the world, for others… while in so doing essentially committing genocide of all the people who would subsequently never be born into the changed world… plus the Playing Divinity thing, one small mortal brain trying to anticipate all the causalities which likely wouldn't be less tragic and tangled than the first. Anything burnt to the ground would still need to grow and be worked on, just like what came before.
He fisted his hands and pressed his knuckles to his closed eyes.
"Don't answer that," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
The last words as much to them as to her. "Oh god oh god I'm sorry I'm sorry."
The Map. What had become of the Map… he'd lost track… he thought one of them must surely have kept it, or maybe passed it along like they'd casually suggested before graduating… last he remembered, Filch had confiscated it but they'd never have left it languishing in a drawer, they'd raided Filch's desk many times.
…But the other way to look at time travel was that it had already happened. Tonks had just read ahead. She was doing him this great favour of telling him… he'd live and it would get better. Don't ruin it with selfishness.
All he could do now was… survive.
He didn't want to survive. He wanted to go with them.
Remus was kneeling on the floor. He had no memory of getting there. From there, he let his hands fall again in his lap.
"I was in love with Lily," he muttered confession. "I never told anyone, though Sirius plainly could tell. But big deal… most of our class was in love with her. I just… maybe was… in different love with James too. I'd never get in the way. Actually, she told me once she never would have given him a chance if we hadn't been mutual friends. I tried to help them. I tried to help everyone and never did good to anyone…"
He looked up at her again. "Can you get me out of here?" he begged. "Out of this moment?"